Random Musings: On Life, Lootera and Yuvraj

On Life

How much of your life do you think you know? Having lived your life and gone through those experiences that elicited varied emotions, you might consider yourself in the best position to know your life completely. You're the sole repository of your life's secrets and important decisions. Yet, I have begun to believe that we don't know our lives as much as we claim that we do. Let's consider this. Do we remember every minute of our lived life? If asked, can you tell what exactly transpired on a particular date and at a particular time? Yes, some memories stand out among the rest making some dates important to us but even on those dates, we won't be able to present a blow by blow account of how our day passed. So, is memory merely a myth? Do we really remember? And that brings us to the question that we would hate to answer now - Do we really know ourselves since what we think of ourselves is based on how we were in the past?

I guess we merely have labels of judgements on periods of our lives that have passed by. Ask yourself about college life and the answer for most will be 'It was fun'. Now that three letter word barely captures three years of life and yet, that's the most we've got about it. Some might corroborate the statement with a few more incidents.

Our judgement is made up of the memories that have stayed on, of things that we liked or disliked or of days that were good or bad. But what about those bits of memory that we have forgotten but which define us to some people? So, even to pass a judgement on our own self, we don't have the full account of that one thing on which we are basing our judgements.

I don't exactly know what I'm trying to do here but the more I think about the idea, the more I begin to become unsure of how much i know myself. After reading this, do you still feel you know yourself well?

On Lootera

I love Lootera. And that’s stating what I feel about it in the least possible words. But, for once, it doesn’t suffice. I want to write more about it, because what I feel about it is more than just love. I realize it every time I watch this movie that released on my Birthday. Oh yes, being the cynic that I am, I have never liked too many things about my Birthday, but this for sure. So, there is something about this movie that makes me feel a sense of frustration every time I watch it, especially the last 20 minutes of the movie. I have often tried to grasp what gives birth to such a feeling in me but haven’t been able to put a finger on anything.

But then one day it just struck me, as so often in a conversation, what makes me feel the way I do when I watch this movie. A sense of anguish emanates from the realization that the magic that Lootera is for me can’t be recreated. Obviously, I have the choice of watching it a hundred times over but I will never again experience the same feelings that I did when I watched it the first time. If I could, I would erase it from my memory every time I watch it and watch it afresh every day, and feel and experience it the way I did the first time. Yes, Lootera is magical to me. What also pains me every time is the realization that with every passing scene, the magic is inching closer to its end. And I don’t want it to happen. I want it to stay there, to feel it deeper.

Maybe, there will be more beautiful movies than this, and there surely are more such movies. Those movies will mean different, feel different and will leave me with their own different experience to cherish. In short, they’ll have their own magic about them. But, the magic of Lootera can’t be recreated. It’s there in those 2hours and 14 minutes and that’s only where I will always find it. And that’s what saddens me every time I watch the movie.

…And On Yuvraj

Every time I have celebrated Yuvraj’s comeback to the Indian team, some have asked me why I am such a big fan of a guy whose best days are behind him. The truth is I never was a big fan of Yuvraj. Early in his career, I always thought Kaif to be the better fielder between him and Yuvi. Later on, when Dhoni established himself as the pivot of the middle order, I always found him to be more effective in that role than the southpaw. There were flashes of brilliance from Yuvraj. The Natwest in 2002. The six sixes in 2007 T20WC. The unanticipated all round show in 2011 WC. And innumerable catches whose compilations on YouTube still make jaws drop. But I still wasn’t a Yuvraj fan yet. And when I did become a fan, it wasn’t really about his playing abilities as much as it was about his grit and determination.

He was 30 years of age with a couple of World Cup wins under his belt and some enviable batting records when Cancer stalked him to a hospital bed. He could have left the game and walked away from it and probably would have had a biopic made on him till now. And considering India’s love for such emotional stories, his would have sold like hot cakes. But he didn’t do it. And that’s where I became a fan of Yuvraj Singh. He went back to domestic cricket and did exactly what was required to attract selectors’ attention – score bucketful of runs. He kept forcing his way back to the team and kept getting dropped and every time the newspapers asked ‘Have we seen the last of Yuvraj?’. Most silently nodded. Sometimes, even I did. But one man who didn’t was Yuvraj himself. He came back leaner and hungrier than ever. That’s when I became his fan. The sheer perseverance he has exhibited in relentlessly knocking on selectors’ door with performances across all formats despite all the negativity and scrutiny emanating from his father’s irresponsible comments to sub-par IPL stints deserves every bit of appreciation. To me, its not his pre 2011 exploits that define Yuvraj Singh but the will to carry on and the hunger of post 2011 period, that are sadly obscured by not so great numbers with the bat, make me his fan.

As dramatic as it might seem, but just as getting Mark Watney back to earth in The Martian wasn’t about a single person but the whole of humanity, my desire to see Yuvraj shine for one last time after all that he has gone through isn’t just about him, but about all those people out there who believe in things that they’re told to stop believing in. And finally, even if he doesn’t end up doing anything spectacular, as a lover of the game I’ll always be grateful to him for not having walked away from it when he easily could have.