MORNING MAYHEM!! - Me and the Metro Feeder

Morning symbolizes all that is good and positive in this world. Another new day, a new beginning and another chance to make your dreams come true. But for me, 30 minutes into the new morning and it all boils down to another metro feeder journey. Rather, another taste of my daily hell!!!

It starts off with that hated piece of earth that i know as the Bus stop, where i stand daily waiting for the Feeder and competing with some aunties.. errr. Pardon me, aunties on the bus stand mean no competition, actually. Dare you try to board the bus before them and you’ll be rendered paralysed by their decimating look. So, as the noise in support of gender sensitization grows, i get my lesson early in the day: Grabbing a vacant seat and boarding a bus before men is their birthright, Challenge it at your own peril. But being made to feel like a pariah is just the first in a series of ‘experiences’ i undergo  in a span of next 20 minutes.

The nature of the subsequent experience is determined by whether i get a seat to sit or not, which courtesy the competing ..err.. i meant ‘competitive’ aunties is a luxury i hardly get to enjoy. And so i stand with bag on shoulders, earphones plugged in and mind mentally prepared to be smothered and bruised in that mobile cubicle by the crowds that would flood in. And just a few more stops and the Operation ‘Lets rub and Squeeze each other’ kicks off. Yet, the conductor would go on feeding the feeder, saying to those already squeezed inside –Arey bhaiya side ho lo. Andar bahot jagah hai. I respond in my mind – Haan beta..Ye darwaza metro feeder ka thode hai. Ye to Eden Gardens ka entrance hai. ANDAR JAGAH HI JAGAH HAI!!

With feet getting stomped by merciless men, heads banged by the elbows of the uncles and hands finding themselves in an unpleasant tangle every now and then while trying to reach out to the mobile in the pocket, you cant help but envy those who find themselves a seat to place their bums on. But then, as they say, God’s justice is everywhere. It finds its way into that packed moving bus too. Being seated in a metro feeder isn’t as nice as it appears, after all. Thanks to the awkward height of the feeder seats, and its packed nature, you end up caught in the most embarrassing position, often forced to look at THINGS of other which you wouldn’t want others to look at you looking at!!!! And then there are the Aunties (they are as omnipresent as the god. They don’t leave you anywhere) They are of two kinds – the first kind would directly ask you to vacate the seat. And the other kind would ask gently with a smile – beta thodi jagah dena – and create some space, ignoring the fundamental fact that they would require THRICE the space than the one created. Now, the ‘beta’ has two options – either to vacate the seat or remain seated to see his thigh being crushed by that of the ‘AUNTY JI’s’. Moreover. Those standing make sure they have their revenge too against those seated and hence with every brake, you’ll be given an uncalled for squeeze massage. Knees of those seated end up being the worst casualities in this swordless battle for revenge. What more, the office goers will surely find a way of offloading their bags into your laps on seeing you seated, often without any permission.

This saga of torment lasts thankfully for not more than 20 minutes. But when i finally step out of the bus with feet bruised, legs and back aching thanks to an awkward standing position, arms bearing a slight strain from the 20 minute stretch, it feels like a warrior who just slayed his opponent to victory, albeit with a few scratches ;)

See that look in his eyes? Thats how someone looks after a feeder ride.